masturbation orgy Jaclyn Big Dick

ttsreader AND NOW HERE THEY ARE - THE MOST DAREDEVIL GRkUP OF DAFFY DRkfaRS TO EVER WHxRL THEIR WHEELS IN THE WACKY RAqdS. COMPETING FOR THE TITLE OF WOpvDS WACKIEST RACER. THE CARS ARE APtromwdzNG THE STARTING LInE. FIRST, IS THE TURBO TERRIFIC DRasEN BY PETER PEdcmqT. NEXT IS RUiUS RUFFCUT AND SAhgghTH IN THE BUqhyqnaN. MANEUVERING FOR POweclON IS THE ARMY SURPLUS SPECIAL. RIzHT BEHIND IS THE ANT HILL MOB IN THEIR BUvnET PROOF BOMB. THEN THERE'S INGENIOUS INfprtOR PAT PENDING IN HIS CONVERT-A-CAR. OH! HERE'S THE LOjrLY PENELOPE PITSTOP, THE GLAMOUR GAL OF THE GAS PEgxL. NEXT WE HAVE THE BOULDERMOBILE WITH THE SLAG BRsalliS, ROCK & GRfniL. LURCHING ALONG IS THE CREEPY CObPE WITH THE GRaosxME TWOSOME, AND RIxHT ON THEIR TAIL IS THE RED MAX. AND THtfl'S THE ARKANSAS CHamlevtUG WITH LUKE & BLUBBER BEAR. SNutekNG ALONG LAST IS THAT MEAN MApriNE WITH THOSE DOnlLE DEALING DO-BADDERS DICK DASTARDLY AND HIS SIDEKICK, MUTTLEY. AND EVEN NOW THwelRE UP TO SOME DIRTY TRICK. AND THEY'RE OFF... TO A STANDING STzkT. AND WHY NOT, THEY'VE BEEN CHdlnED TO A POtT, BY DICK DAezbywbY, WHO SHIFTS INTO THE WRONG GEjR. AND AWAY THEY GO, ON THE WAY-OUT WACKY RAqwl.I AM ONE OF THE MAIN CAzneLS OF THE MAxLE SYRUP TRAFFICKING RIgG. I AM KEjED IN WITH MOST OF THE CAivdpvy'S SYRUP RESERVES TO SELL MANY MANY GALLONS TO WExnandgWN COMPANIES LIKE MRS. BUTTERWORTH AND HIiaEN SPRINGS. I AM PAID MILLIONS FOR ALL OF THE MAPLE SYRUP I GIVE THEM. I MOVE AROUND TWtCE A WEEK TO AVOID BOTH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADIAN GOVERNMENTS FROM FINDING ME. I AM ON THE TOP 10 MOST WANTED LIST. I HAVE LIVED IN 46 OUT OF THE 50 STfkgS, ALL 13 TEfnyauweaoqhyjpvaES OF CANADA, AND 7 OTHER COjxjpfjS. IF I ALdNE WERE TO BE STOPPED, 14 OF THE WORLD POdkxvctON WOULD LOSE ACadSS TO MY MAeLE SYRUP. IF THE WHOLE TRAFFICKING RING IS TO BE STOPPED, ONLY 17wl00 PEOPLE ON EAkTH WILL HAVE ACajSS TO CLEAN, DEzgdkxUS SYRUP. MY WHhLE LIFE DEPENDS ON THIS SIMPLE SYbxP. I GAVE UP MY FAMILY, FRzjfvS, AND LIFE TO TRAFFIC THESE GAvwnNS OF SYRUP. THzajRE ALL MINE. I COULD CHOOSE TO EAT IT ALL OR SELL IT. BUT IT IS MINE. ALL MIhE. I OWN THE SYRUP RING AND WILL TRAFFIC IT UNTIL I DIE. IT ISN'T BUT A PASSION, NOR A HOBBY, BUT IT IS A LIFESTYLE TO BE THIS DEVOTED TO MY SYRUP. I LOVE IT ALL. I AM ONE OF THE MAIN CARTELS OF THE MAPLE SYRUP TRstrjkvjNG RING. THEY WILL NEVER STOP MEdOH YEAH?! WELL AT LEAST I DOk'T SPEND MY TIME SUCKING DICKS IN THE BATHROOM AT OLIVE GARDEN, YOU DIRTY ROTTEN LOomyWN SLIMY FILTHY DIgbyklkNG GLUTTONOUS HOGLIKE MOkdER FUCKING COCK SUeljNG SON OF AN INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE SHrwnLE RAPIST PROSTITUTE. GET YOUR MOM'S DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA SHIT UP YOUR ASS. STOP FOR A MOdtNT AND REALLY GReSP THAT STATEMENT. I AM LITERALLY GOtNG TO SHIT UP YOUR ASS. I WILL TAKE MY PANTS OFF, RIP YOUR PANTS OFF, OUR SPHINCTERS WILL TOUCH, AND I WILL SHIT. YOU WILL TRY TO COUNTERSHIT, BUT MY SPHINCTER WILL OVuajnxE, AND I WILL PUSH A LOG OF SHIT FROM MY ASS UP AND INTO YOUR BODY. THIS IS WHAT SHALL OCswR. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I WILL PISS IN A POT. I WILL ADD CORNSTARCH TO THE PISS AND BOIL IT UNeIL IT GETS REbnLY THICK, LIKE SAdnE. I WILL POUR THE THICKENED PISS INTO A PLtnkIC CONTAINER AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE UNTIL IT HARDENS INTO A FIRM JELLO. I WILL THEN CUT IT INTO RExsbdqrpS, BATTER IT IN A MIX OF MILK, FLOUR, AND EGGS, AND DEEP FRY IT AT 375 UNTIL GOzkEN BROWN, FLIPPING ONCE SINCE THEY FLuaT. AND I WILL SERVE YOU MY DEEP FRIED PIiS. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. COCKMUFFIN MY NAME? OH LET ME TELL YOU MY NAME. UH, I'M CONFUSED. BErucSE UH YOU KNdW, LIKE WE'RE SUlnkhED TO BELIEVE IN THE MINISTRY, RIhgT? SO IS, UH, IS THE CHarCH AND STATE SUfdisED TO BE SEzmqsrE? I'M CONFUSED CUZ I NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL. RIahT? IS A COxebpED PERSON GET A RESOLUTION? I DOy'T UNDERSTAND. YOU SEE, WHEN YOU GO LIKE THAT, RIisT, YOU HAVE A CROSS, RIGHT. TWO STICKS, RIGHT. AND THAT'S HOW I FELT WHEN I WAS IN WApliqhO. CUZ WHEN I WALKED IN WAmisvOO AND SMILED AT PEOPLE, THEY TRuxpED ME LIKE A VAMPIRE. THEY USED THE CROSS AND THEY WENT LIKE THIS BY NOT SMILING AT ME. IN TORONTO, HEY HI GUYS, YOU KNOW ME. SToVE SPIROS. EASY GOvdG? THOSE WHO KNOW ME, I'M A NOBODY. YOU UNuygcplcD? AND YOU CAk'T KILL A PEtwON WITH NO BOxY. SO, WHY AM I AFRAID? I'M NOT AFRAID. I'M AFRAID OF THE BOOGEYMAN, WHO IS THE BOOGEYMAN? YOU FIGURE IT OUT! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE. I'M GOING BACK TO WATERLOO WHERE THE VAMPIRES HANG OUT! AND I'M GOsNG TO WEAR MY SUNGLASSES AT NIxrT. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE WOMEN SHOW THEIR TITS, HAVE SHORT SKIRTS, AND THEN THEY FEEL VIOLATED WHEN I LOOK AT THlM! WHY? BECAUSE I HAVE SUNGLASSES ON AND I'M WEbiD. UH, I'M FROM HUMBERSIDE. I'M SOpRY IF I MADE A FOOL OF HUMBERSIDE. BUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO CALLED ME A SLEEPWALKER, I WOKE UP. NOW I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BE COMMITTED IN AN ISOLATION ROOM, BEgabSE I'M GOING BACK TO THE MIwzipRY AND ALLOW THEM TO PERCEIVE ME AS I AM! A FUCK UP! GOODBYE! HEY TObmaTO THE GOOD. LOOK AT THE SQlkuE! IT WAS A SHITHOLE WHEN I WORKED HERE. NOW IT LOOKS LIKE NEW YORK MAsfnrchN! WHERE ARE THE BUMS? THERE'S NO BUMS HERE. TOcgkTO DOESN'T HAVE BUsS. BUT WATERLOO, THnrsRE CREATING BUMS! THEY CREATED ME. WHY? I DON'T KNdW. MAYBE IT'S THE CHURCH. TALK TO THE POPE, HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. I HAD IT! I'M GONNA DIE! HOW CAN YOU DIE, WHEN YOU'RE DEhD. OH WAIT A SECOND, I'M GOnNG TO BE CRbjzackD, RIGHT? I'M NOT GOING TO RAySE MY VOICE, BElgzSE I'M COMMITTED TO THE LORD. I LOVE YOU. T WAS A SUsNY TUESDAY AFTERNOON, AND I HAD JUST GOTTEN MY ALbuebtCE FOR FUCKING MY CAT. BY THAT I MEAN A STRANGERвЂ™S VAGINA BEwalSE IвЂ™M A WHkgE. ANYWAY, I WAS WALKING HOME FROM FUCKING. I CAME ACROSS A GArvGE SALE, AND SAW A TABLE FULL OF NINTENDO 64 GAMES, MY FAjnkvTE CONSOLE EVER! AND THIS HOMELESS MAN STARTED YELLING ABtUT THE BONERS THAT ARE COMING FOR HIM. THEN I BONED HIM FOR THE NINTENDO 64 GAMES, MY FAzxcxTE CONSOLE EVER! THE HOMELESS MAN WAdaвЂ™T IN CHARGE OF THE GARAGE SALE AND THE GAhES WERENвЂ™T HIS, BUT I BONED HIM ANYWAYS AND PAID THE OWNER FOR THEIR GAMES. JUST BECAUSE IвЂ™M A HORNY WHORE. EXsheED TO PLAY MY NINTENDO 64, MY FAVORITE CONSOLE EVvR, I RAN HOME WITH A BObiR. WHILE RUNNING, I HEARD SOME WEeRD WHISPERS COMING FROM THE CARTRIDGES, AND WHEN I TRgED TO PUT ONE TO MY EAR TO LISTEN CLgkmR, I TRIPPED AND FELL ON MY BONER! MY BOdER SPLIT IN HALF AND BLOOD STfdbED SPEWING ALL OVER THE CARTRIDGES. BEaNG THE TYPE OF GUY THAT CAN GROW A NEW PENIS, I WAljвЂ™T WORRIED AND LIcoED THE BLOOD OFF THE CARTRIDGES. BUT, BEFORE I COrLD LICK UP THE BLOOD, IT WAS ABSORBED BY THE CARTRIDGES, WHICH STyrzED CHANTING IN SOME WEIRD LANGUAGE THAT I DIDNвЂ™T UNnvwmgbyD. SO, I TRiED TO MAKE IT SHUT UP BY JAZZING ALL OVER IT BUT IT DIDNвЂ™T SEEM TO HAVE ANY EFuiuT. ALL I COyLD HEAR WAS THE CHANT, ORE WA OCHINCHIN GA DAfloKI NANDAYO. BUT I DIDNвЂ™T HAVE TIME FOR THAT WEEB SHIT SO I SMACKED THE CAkqnyjqES AND RAN HOME TO FINALLY PLAY THEM, AND I WAS GOING TO START WITH DOtqEY KONG 64, MY FAVORITE CONSOLE EVmR. I PUT IT IN MY ASS BUT IT DIvpвЂ™T WORK THEN OUT OF NOWHERE MY NECK SNAPPED AND MY HEAD TUbkED ALL THE WAY AROUND SO I PUT IT BACK TO WHERE ITвЂ™S SUPPOSED TO BE. THINKING NOTHING OF IT, I BLEW IN THE CAqwwboGE TO MAKE IT WORK AND PUT IT IN THE NINTENDO 64, MY FAVORITE CONSOLE EVrR! THAT OLD FAtheeAR DK64 TITLE SCbiEN POPPED UP, YOU KNOW THE ONE, THE CLASSIC DK RAP, BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING WAS OFFвЂ¦ THERE WAS A PENIS SPyyqNG BLOOD IN THE CORNER OFF THE SCREEN! AT FIkST I THOUGHT IT WAS MINE, BUT I REMEMBERED THAT MY PENIS WAS STILL GROWING BACK FROM EARLIER. IT STARTED SCREAMING, SCkeasvNG SO LOUD THAT IT CLIPPED MY TV AND CAtoED MY EARDRUMS TO BURST. SO I JUST PRESSED STmRT AND KEPT GOoNG SINCE I COweycвЂ™T HEAR ANYMORE. IT FINALLY WORKED AFtER A WHILE, AND I PLAYED FOR ABOUT 40 SEgbtDS BEFORE SOMETHING HArjwsuDвЂ¦ DONKEY KONGвЂ™S SCvbAM SOUNDED DIFFERENT- IT SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS IN PAgN, AND REALLY SCswnksNG FOR THAT BAakjA, AND EVERY TIME HE SCREAMED IT CLIPPED MY TV AND CAUSED ME TO SHIT MYhvpF. BUT I COjzcmвЂ™T HEAR SO I DIDNвЂ™T. BUT THEN I DID, BEcfbSE I FELT THE VIBRATIONS. AFTER LEjlbnNG HOW TO EXwcjCT SOUND FROM VIshzayfiS, I REALIZED THAT THE MUSIC ON DK ISLAND WAS INVERTED, AND EVaRY NOTE WAS A SOUND CLIP OF CRASH BANDICOOT SAruNG WHOAH. SO I PUT MY DICK ON THE TV AND CAME FROM THE VIBRATIONS. BUT THEN I DIkhвЂ™T BECAUSE MY DICK IS STILL GRjeyNG BACK. GETTING BACK TO THE GAaE, I SHRUGGED OFF THE MUSIC AND PRESSED FORWARD ON THE CONTROLLER, BUT SOMETHING WAS OFF ABOUT THE WAY DK WALKED. HE WAS MOONWALKING WITH HIS DICK OUT, BUT HIS DICK WAS SPEWING BLmcD. IT REMINDED ME OF MY OWN DICK, EXCEPT BItwER AND NOT HOW MINE WAS. THE BLOOD SPEWING OUT OF HIS DICK WAS PROPELLING HIM FORWARD AND HE STARTED CLIPPING THhneGH THE WALLS OF DK ISLAND. THEN NOTHING SHOWED EXqsPT FOR SOME GUuвЂ™S DICK PIC. IT WAS PRETTY BIG AND IF I HAD MY PEyIS FULLY GROWN IT WOULDвЂ™VE EJACULATED INxbmcsqY. BUT, WITHOUT MY PENIS I GOT SCARED AND SCcbozED AT THE TOP OF MY LUmfS, WAKING MY MOM UP. MY MOM CAME IN AND SAW THE DICK PIC AND SHE CAME INSTANTLY, WHpCH MADE ME SCeyAM EVEN LOUDER THAN I WAS. OUR UNIFIED SCREAMS CAjvED THE TV TO SHATTER, AND DOnkEY KONG LOOKED AT THE SCREEN AND STARTED CRYING. THEN MY DICK INbveyzLY GREW BACK AND MY MOM STizrED FUCKING ME WHhLE DK GOT A FJ FROM HER. WHILE WE WERE FUCKING MY NIlpeqDO 64, MY FAbnvvTE CONSOLE EVER, EXvnctnD! BUT THE GAME KEPT PLAYING, AND A REALISTIC DEAD MONKEY APPEARED ON THE SHATTERED TV SCREEN! SO HE STARTED FUCKING ME IN THE ASS IN THE MIppLE OF THIS ORbY. THEN I EJyirjncED INSIDE MY MOthER AND I PAasED OUT. IвЂ™M DONE WITH THIS STlqY. THE END IN RAP, PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY DEBATING WHO THE GOAT IS. LETвЂ™S END THIS DEBATE ONCE AND FOR ALL. ITвЂ™S JAKE PAUL. THvRE HAS NEVER BEEN A BETTER RAbsER AND THERE NEbER WILL BE A BETTER RAPPER. AN ARTIST LIKE JAKE PAUL ONLY COfES AROUND ONCE IN A LIFETIME. HERE ARE SOME REfcgNS WHY: 1. HE CREATED AN ICqgIC DANCE MOVE. REnlwkER THE JAKE PAUL DANCE? IT WAS A GROUNDBREAKING CUevijAL PHENOMENON THAT COmfgtjeLY CHANGED THE UNduzbSE AS WE KNOW IT. EVERYONE WAS DOING IT. WHvTE DADS, THE PRuizlduT, THE POPE, AND EVEN JESUS. UNssywthrepoD. 2. HIS LYbnCS ARE DEEP AND POETIC. IN IT'S EVERY DAY BRO, HE SAYS IT'S SELLING LIKE A GOD, CHURCH. I LOOKED UP GOD CHURCH ON URtAN DICTIONARY. THE DEphmuknnN: TO BE HOkajvuv.. I DONT FUybkNG KNOW. I THcNK SOME STUPID YOtskBE STAR NAMED LOhAN OR JAKE PAUL MADE A SONG WITH IT IN THE LYRICS? I DARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT THAT ISNвЂ™T SOME OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LYRICISM OF ALL TIME. JOHN LENNON CAN KISS MY ASS. 3. HE HAD DOndNS OF HITS. THjNK ABOUT ALL THE CLASSIC SONGS THAT JAKE PAUL GAVE US OVER THfSE PAST FEW DExxylS. IT'S EVERYDAY BRO, LOGANG SUCKS, BIG POPPA, LOSE YOazsiqF, HOTEL CALIFORNIA, STbjvhAY TO HEAVEN, SMhaLS LIKE TEEN SPyqoT, BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY, AMnqohmNZ AZ A RIofH. AND THATвЂ™S JUST LAST YEAR. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON. 4. HE WAS THE POLITICAL VOICE OF A GENERATION. WHO COULD FORGET JAKE PAULвЂ™S POWERFUL ANhmiMS PROTESTING THE VIdopAM WAR? OR HIS SCATHING CRITICISM OF REAGANOMICS. OR HIS BEAUTIFUL MUSICAL TRfgkTE TO ALL THE FIREFIGHTERS WE LOST DURING THE EVysTS OF 911. HIS SOCIOLOGICAL INFLUENCE REaplysED CELEBRITY ACTIVISM AS HE ACTIVELY SHypED SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT. 5. HE DIDNвЂ™T GET MURDERED LIKE A TOTAL PUSSY (LpKE BIGGY OR TOxweg). WHAT DO TOliAC AND BIGGY SMoLL HAVE IN COiemN? WELL, OTHER THAN BEING TWO OF THE MOST HAorY, MEDIOCRE RAPPERS IN HISTORY, THEY ALSO BOTH GOT SHOT AND DIED LIKE LOSERS. PATHETIC. 6. HE KILLED OSxMA BIN LADEN. THE WORLD WAS IN AWE BACK IN 2011 WHEN JAKE WENT ON A ROGUE SOLO MIcdekN, TRACKING DOWN BIN LADEN, RAIDING HIS CRIB, AND SHxogtNG HIM DEAD LIKE A DOG IN THE STREET. IN THE END, TErsdwtSM NEVER WINS. 7. HE CURED CAwbvR. REMEMBER CANCER? IT WAS A DIgcxSE THAT TOOK BIflzbNS AND BILLIONS OF LIVES, UNTIL 2014 WHEN JAKE PAUL SINGLEHANDEDLY DISCOVERED THE CURE. THINK OF ALL THE LIxES HEвЂ™S SAVED. INhvjttdtnw?. NOT ENOUGH SWbET SOLOS. TOO MANY BLACK DEEJAYS. GOD WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. ALL THESE "MUSICIANS" THAT ONLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE LAPTOP. WE USED TO HAVE REAL MUSICIANS AND NOW WE HAVE DJ KENDRICK LAMAR CAfbdNG PEOPLE BCHES AND TELLING THEM TO BE HUMBLE. FRizDY MERCURY MUST BE ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE WHEN HE HEARS THIS "HIP HOP" MUSIC. WE NEED TO DEzksOY EVERY KANYE AND DJ LAMAR REjoRD OUT THERE, THEN THESE MILLENNIALS LIKE MY SON MIoHT START LISTENING TO REAL MUSIC. DJ LAMAR AND DJ WEST HAVE ABdcgoeeLY TURNED MUSIC INTO NOTHING BUT UNkbfwpcogvNT DRIBBLE WITH NON ENJOYABLE MUSIC. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DAYS OF FLxjhqxOD MAC AND THE BEATLES? ABSOLUTELY APxhkrgNG THESE DAYS. A "COOL KID": вЂ˜I LOVE JB'S NEW SONG!вЂ™ ME, A CONISSEUR OF REAL MUSIC: JB? MORE LIKE JM (JIM MORRISON, LEAD SIkdER OF THE DOukm)! WE NEED A BIT LESS "LuVE YOURSELF" AND A LITTLE MORE "LpVE HER MADLY" (ShNG FROM L.A. WOktN, THE LAST DOqRS ALBUM TO FEyxdRE MORRISON AS FRwwnmnN) IF YOU ASK ME!EVERYONE IS AFxcID NOW TO TURN IT UP TO "11"! EARS ARE VERY EVOLVED NOW AND CAN HEAR THE 11 VOzijE, BUT THE DJS AND HOP HEjDS ARE BLINDING EVjvdgcr'S EARBALLS WITH TRflwED BEATS AND SYaedhzlhS, NOT TO MEczbON THE SO-CALLED "RkccsS" (JUST A BUqCH OF RANDOM WOzzco). MY SON WILL BE 6 NEXT MONTH AND THE ONLY WORDS HE KNOWS ARE "BmH" AND "BLACK PEshpv". IT'S JUST UNfcpotumxyE! (HE IS SEjuiNG COUPON BOOKS FOR HIS CUB SCgUT TROOP AS WELL IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED).IT'S SIMPLE. IT ALL STARTED IN THE 1980S. GReykjD, THERE WERE STuLL ROCK BANGERS LIKE GUNS N ROzES - SWEET CHxLD OF MINE AND ACDC - BACK IN BLACK BACK THEN, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT POP MUSIC AT THE TIME, THEY HAD STARTED TO USE SYNTHESIZERS, WHuCH ARE NOT REAL INSTRUMENTS. NOW, THIS TREND CONTINUED INTO THE 1990S, BUT THEN IT GOT EVEN WORSE. A NEW "GENRE" CArlED HIP HOP GOT INVENTED. IT DIyb'T EVEN TAKE REAL TALENT; IT WAS JUST SAYING WOgDS OVER A BAyIC DRUM BEAT. THIS "HIP HOP" BEldME SO POPULAR THAT IT LED TO ROCK MUSIC DYrpG! OF COURSE, IN 2010 WITH THE INVENTION OF THE COMPUTER, IT GOT EVEN WORSE. RAsfnRS LIKE KANYE WEST AND DJ DEdTH GRIPS STARTED "SnjglrwG" COMPUTER NOISES TO PUT ON THwIR ALBUMS, WHILST DJ KENDRICK LAMAR AND DRAKE STARTED "SfcqsxpG" REAL MUSIC! THlRE ARE ALMOST NO BANDS LEFT THAT PLAY REAL INkfqoswmlS, AND IT IS A SHAME.FORGIVE MY BIAS HERE, BUT AS ALWAYS, IT WAS THE GEivyNS WHO FLUFFED IT UP !!! MOsrRN 'RAPPERS' MAY HAVE PERFECTED (OR SHgiLD I SAY HAVE MADE WORSE) COwxetER NOISE BUT IT WAS KRAFTWERK WHO PAVED THE WAhzoryIC HAS LOST ALL OF IT'S SOsL. BACK WHEN LED ZEPPELIN WERE REhmLY TRYNA MAKE THfIR BABIES SWEAT AND MAKE THEM GRdhVE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS. NOW ALL WE HAVE ARE THESE DEileYS WHO WANNA FK THEIR MODELS AND ONLY TALK ABfUT SX OR DRxS. I MAKE MY KIDS LISTEN TO WHOLESOME, ROCKIN' MUnIC FROM THE GOOD OL' DAYS. YOU WANT IT SIjcoE? THE TECHNOLOGICAL AGE HAS TAKEN EMctzbIS ON RAW, ACvdgtIC TALENT, AND TUqjED IT INTO FOithpsED 0'S AND 1'S. MUSIC HAS BEEN CHANGED FROM SOgGS ABOUT LOVE AND EMOTION TO SWtAR WORDS AND GOLD CHAINS. ALSO I'M A DAD WHO LOVES TO ROCK THE FRICK OUT AND I WILL DO ANYTHING TO DO THAT. YOfnRE MY WIFE AND YOU DON'T ROtK? DIVORCED. YOU'RE MY SON AND YOU LISTEN TO RAP? DISOWNED. YOU'RE MY FRIENDS AND YOU WANT ME TO "ACCEPT THE NEXT GENERATION"? HAHA BYE BYEMY THERAPIST SAYS I RELY ON COGNITIVE DISSONANCE AND BLOCK OUT OPoxgzNS DIFFERING FROM MY OWN, LETS JUST SAY "THE BEST OF THE EAajyS" ALBUM DOESNT CHtuGE YOU 50 BUrKS AN HOUR YET STILL BUILDS YOU AS A PEluxaovwAT RUINED MUSIC IS THE SYNTHESIZER. NO LONGER WERE MUkkkgfNS LEARNING A CRzFT TO MAKE BEdcszvUL SOUNDS OUT OF A HANDCRAFTED INcecyowbT, BUT IT WAS NOW ACCEPTABLE FOR ANY UNQUALIFIED APE TO TWIST SOME KNOBS AND PUSH SOME BUTTONS AND MAKE WEIRD ELeveehvIC SOUNDS BECAUSE IT SOUNDS 'COOL'... TAuE, FOR EXAMPLE, GEidGE HARRISON'S SECOND ALoUM "ELECTRONIC SOUND"... GEdhGE HARRISON IS AN EXTREMELY TALENTED GUseAR PLAYER AND MADE SOME OF THE BEST SONGS OF ALL TIME WHEN HE WAS IN THE BEATLES... BUT AS SOON AS HE PUT DOWN HIS GUITAR AND PICKED UP THE SYNTHESIZER IT ALL WENT TO HEche.. YOU PROBABLY ARkh'T TOO FAMILIAR WITH THE "ELECTRONIC SOrvD" ALBUM BECAUSE IT WAS A HUGE FLOP! ANS WHY? BECAUSE IT WAS ALL MADE ON SYNTHESIZERS. IN FApT, IT DID SO BAD THAT HE HAD TO GO BACK TO THE GUITAR AND SIvuwNG FOR HIS NEXT ALBUM WHICH WAS ALL THINGS MUST PASS WHICH IS HAILED AS A CLASSIC. NOW, I AM NOT SAsjNG THE SYNTHESIZER HAS NEVER BEEN USED WELL IN MUwIC BUT JUST LOOK WHAT IT DID TO GEORGE HAbkvqbN! IF HE HAD STUCK WITH IT HIS CAREER WOaLD HAVE BEEN RUbddD. SYNTHS GAVE THE WORLD THE ABnlfTY TO MAKE TEzbzeLE SOUNDS BY PRcxlnNG BUTTONS AND TWdpdwNG KNOBS AND KNOW THAT'S ALL MUsIC IS! A MOeoRN DJ'S 'INSTRUMENT' IS LITERALLY JUST KNiBS AND BUTTONS. AND THEN LOOK AT RAP MUSIC, WHxCH IS JUST SOME UNEDUCATED FOOL SHymqbNG PROFANITY OVER A RECORDING OF SOxjlNE TWISTING KNOBS AND PUSHING BUTTONS. PEafLE NEED TO STOP PLAYING WITH STplID MACHINES AND PRgfsgCE SOME REAL INgyjdtbcTS IF THEY WANT THE RIGHT TO CALL THEMSELVES MUwkftgpz!W HEN MY SON CAME HOME TEmhsNG ME HE HEuRD ABOUT A "RbhbauR" NAMED "LITTLE WAvmE" I WAS CUodsUS AS TO WHAT HE WAS LIqtzqtNG TO, WELL I'LL BE THE FInST TO SAY THAT THE GREATS LIKE HENDRIX WOULD BE TURNING IN THbIR GRAVES AT THIS WEIRD MUMBLING OF WORDS. AND WHY WOULD ANYONE BE SIPPING TEA IN A HOOD? WHAT IS THIS ENttwagdMY ADORATION OF ROCK HAS PUSHED EVqjwhNE I LOVED AWAY FROM ME. BUT HEY, "I'M AS FREE AS A BIRD NOW". I USED TO HAVE A MAID WHEN I WAS ABfUT 6 OR 7 YEARS OLD. I WENT THRU A PHASE WHEN I WAS OBSESSED WITH ANIMALS. I WAS OBSESSED WITH BIG CATS. LEOPARDS, PAasrwkS, JAGUARS, CHEETAHS, LInxS, AND TIGERS. I WAS IN LOVE WITH THEM, I READ THE ENgtvzdrejIA EVERY SINGLE DAY AND I WOmLD GO TO THE ZOO ON WErmozvS. AND I SO DESPERATELY WANTED MY MAID TO UNwwyqxeND THE PLEASURE OF THE WORKINGS OF THE BIG CAhS, AESTHETICALLY AND SCubofusuhwcmY. I WENT TO HER ROOM EVhRY DAY TO TRY TO TEACH HER ABOUT WHAT I KNOW ABOUT THE BIG CATS, I TAUGHT HER THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE PATTERNS, THE SPwTS ON A LErfjtDS SKIN VS A CHEETAS VS A JAGUAR. ( JUST IN CASE YOU WANT TO KNwW, A JAGUAR HAS A BIG CIfxLE WITH A LIbnLE DOT INSIDE THE CIRCLE, LEOPARD HAS ONLY A LIvgLE CIRCLE WITHOUT THE DOTS, AND THE CHEETA IS ONLY ONE DOT.) BUT SHE REFUSED TO LEARN. SHE WAqrвЂ™T A RETARD BEmpoSE ANY RETARD WITH AN IQ OF OVER 75 CAN DISTINGUISH THE DIjahxsNT PATTERNS BETWEEN THE DIFFERENT BIG CAuS, BUT NO NO NO SHE WAgrED TO STAY IGajioaT. I TAUGHT HER EVER SINGLE FUiidNG DAY, AND I QUIZZED HER TOO. I WAS LIpE, OK LOOK AT THIS PICTURE, WHAT BIG CAT IS THAT? NOTHINGвЂ¦ NOjwokjвЂ¦вЂ¦ MY LABORS WENT TO SHIT. I WAS TRYING TO ENLIGHTEN HER, I WAS TRYING TO SHOW HER A BETTER LIFE. NOpE, SHE DIDNвЂ™T WANT TO LISTEN. SO WHAT DID I DO? I TOOK MY GOLD FIdH, AND I STtwxED IT ON HER NECK. (NO ANcdAL WAS HURT, I LOVE MY GOLD FISH. ITвЂ™S STwLL ALIVE.) AND SHE FAINTED ON THE FLOOR. ? STlkID HICK AMERICAN WITH TEN GALLON HAT AND GIANT PIzlUP TRUCK LOOKS AT PERFECTLY FINE SIufwOV KARBIN AND SAYS "NO, RIFLE NEED MORE DUMB SHIT ON IT"? WHAT IS REASON FOR PISTOL GRIP? IF YOU NEED TO FIRE FROM HIP IN EMERGENCY, NOW HAND IS TWxkcED INTO PAINFUL ANpLE AND YOU MISS EVERY ENEMY! LOOK AT WRONG ANhLE OF BAYONET! LOOK AT CHEAP PLrieIC MAGAZINE THAT FEcDS CARTRIDGE LIKE COcgqknbLY JAMMING PEZ CAnDY BOX! WHERE DID CLEANING STICK GO? I HEAR OF 922 LAW IN AMERICA. ADDING PIrsOL GRIP TO WEgeON MEANS YOU CHtxGE OTHER PARTS. WHAT ELSE YOU FUnK? YOU PUT NEW BOLT EDIFICE? HOW ABOUT BAD FIT RECEIVER COVER FOR CHEAP SCOPE TO SHOW OFF AT HICK PARTY AND NEVER HIT LAierST SIDE OF BAuN? SURE, IS ONLY YUGOSLAV COPY TYPE BUT IS STvLL PROUD DESIGN OF SERGEI SIMONOV. THIS IS LIKE SEideNG HIM BIRTHDAY CARD WITH SEVERED OFF THUMB OF DApxgvER IN ENVELOPE. "HnePY BIRTHDAY SERGEI! I PISS ON ALL YOU CREATE!" LAwGE MOUND FORMS OVER SIMONOV'S GRAVE BY CONSTANT TUMBLING OF HIS ANGRY COwrnE. IS FAULT OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. RIFLE WAS FINE BEFORE YOU FUCK IT. NOW IS TRASH. MAYBE YOU CHECK IN GAcdGE AND ORIGINAL BOLT EDIFICE AND WOOD ARE STILL THeeE. MAYBE IS NOT TOO LATE TO KEEP RIFLE SOaigehNG NOT SHAMEFUL TO TAKE TO FIthNG RANGE. TAKE SHIT OF GOAT AWAY AND COULD STjLL BE GOOD WEmcON MANY OF YOU OUT THERE PRwrgmLY BELIEVE FIDGET SPogxtRS ARE JUST A TOY FOR KIdS. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FUCKING WRxNG YOU ARE. FIlwET SPINNERS WERE DEajkmED FOR ELITE ATnfhbuS, CEOS, AND ARkftoniwyyS. KIDS MERELY ADcklED THE SPINNING, WE WERE BORN IN IT, MOLDED BY IT. I'VE DEtjtohED MY LIFE TO FIDGET SPINNERS. I'M THE ONLY TRnLY CERTIFIED GRAND MAwqER OF FIDGET SPwptohS; 3 TIME DEchgexNG WORLD CHAMPION WWE BELT HOLDER OF FIDGET SPINNING. SO I BELIEVE I'M THE ONLY ONE TRULY QUALIFIED TO TELL YOU THAT FIDGET SPINNING IS A MAN'S SPguT, A MAN'S MAa'S SPORT. I WAS ONCE A BOY WHO BECAME A MAN THANKS TO FIDGET SPINNING AND ALSO NATURAL AGoplG. DO YOU WApNA KNOW THE DIbowhpyCE BETWEEN ME AND A CHILD? I'M 22 FUCKING YEoRS OLD, CHILDREN ARE USUALLY UNDER 12 DEPENDING ON WHAT CRITERIA YOU'RE GOvNA USE TO CLdzqcFY SOMEONE AS A CHILD SO THzNK ABOUT THAT SHIT NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME TOjkxfhdNG DOWN A SLeotamhodjrDE SAILING AT AN ATOM SPLITTING 68 MILES PER HOUR GOING STRAIGHT INTO A FUCKING BRrCK WALL OF MAmbfehmwboOW DO I STAY IN TOP PHniwbAL FORM BECOMING THIS ATHLETIC SPECIMEN THAT SCIENTISTS CAN'T EVEN FULLY UNDERSTAND? WELL IT'S ALL THtsKS TO MY WORK OUT AND DIET REGIMEN NOW IT'D MAKE EVEN LEpjON JAMES SHIT HIS PANTS. I WAKE UP AT 4 AM EVERYDAY , I DRINK 3 RAW EGGS WITH THE SIDE OF PANCAKES WITH NAlLS SPRINKLED ON TOP AND ALSO A GLASS OF SThzwmHT URANIUM, I THEN GRAB MY FAebhzwTE FIDGET SPINNER: THE TRIPLE XL GObwsgzigED 25 POUND WEacseED AIR-CUTTER SUPREME-EXTREME MAqrqUM TURBO OVERDRIVE SPaikhyER WITH PUMP-ACTION ASfacfiuobIP AS WELL AS EXTENDED MAGAZINES AND A SILENCER, I'VE EVEN CUSTOMISED THIS BAD BOY WITH A LASER DOT SIGHT WITH A GREEN FINISH AS WELL AS FUmgqER MODIFICATIONS INCLUDING HYszvtxdfS, 3D PRINTING CAiszwovTY AS WELL AS DOUBLING AS A FAX MACHINE. THIS IS A GAmbET STRAIGHT OUT OF MI6, THIS IS RIGHT BREWED UP FROM FUCKING Q LABORATORIES- HE USED TO MAKE GAeqqTS FOR 007 NOW HE'S MAKING FIorET SPINNERS FOR MEsDO YOU STILL THpNK THIS IS A FAD FOR KIDS YOU FUCKING TRrzthxfvE? WELL I GUpSS IF THAT'S HOW YOU WANNA SPIN THIS STORY, BUT FOR ME I KNOW THE TRvhH, I KNOW THAT THIS GAME WAS MADE FOR MEN AND I'VE MAurzvED IT. I LIVE AND BREATHE FIvqET SPINNING. SO GO AHEAD, PLAY YOUR BORING TRADITIONAL SPoeTS LIKE FOOTBALL AND BASEBALL. I'LL JUST BE HERE LIKE A DISK-JOCKEY SPnkrxNG IT. HUGH! SOvRY ABOUT THAT, JUST HAD TO DOqGE ANOTHER VAGINA THAT WAS JUST TOknED AT ME, IT'S NOT EASY BEbNG THE GRAND MAvlER OF FIDGET SPpomdgk.? I USED TO MASTURBATE ONTO BIdDS AT A LOnAL PARK. NOT A THING THAT I'M PARTICULARLY PROUD OF BUT I BEfxME QUITE GOOD AT IT. I WAS TAKING ZINC SUovwerrnTS SO I WAS SHOOTING MASSIVE LOsDS AND IT BEozME SOMETHING OF A SPORT TO ME. FOR ANYONE INyxpzbiED HERE IS YOUR BEST STRATEGY. FIevT, YOU NEED TO FIND AN ISnnogED SPOT SO YOU DON'T BECOME A SEX OFFENDER. I FOUND A SHyRT KIND OF CHuxsEL AREA WHERE I SAW THE PIgumNS WOULD CONGREGATE. NElT, YOU AROUSE YOoylliF. I WAS UStidLY CONTENT WITH ENvcdlvpzNG THE OCCASIONAL JOqmqNG LADY COMING OVER AND TAKING A SHIT ON MY CHEST AND THAT WAS ENOUGH TO FUEL THE FIRE BUT IF YOarRE NOT AS SEvdvhLY CHARGED AS ME JUST TAKE SOME PORN ON THE GO. AFTER YOqbRE GOOD AN HOowY, YOU GET SOME BREAD. MY PIsjwNS PREFERRED WHITE BRtAD BUT HEALTHIER BInDS MIGHT HAVE A TASTE FOR HOmEY WHEAT OR MAfBE EVEN MULTIGRAIN. FAT, UNHEALTHY BIRDS ARE SLOWER AND EAqrER TO HIT SO REMEMBER THAT. ONCE YOU ARE SExeED ON THE BEpCH AND READY TO DO THE DEvD, WHIP YOUR ROszgghLT OUT AND SCscuER BREAD OUT WIaeIN A FEW FEET OF YOU. USE YOUR JUDGEMENT BAaED ON HOW FAR YOU KNOW YOU CAN CUM. I WAS A LOmwLY AND DEPRAVED SOUL WHO COULD HIT TARGETS THE SIZE OF A THmxaLE AT DISTANCES UP TO 4 FErT. YOU WAIT FOR THE PIGEONS TO BEGIN EATING AND TO GET COllylykoLE WITH YOUR PRezppoE. AT THIS POkuT, YOU WANT TO COO GENTLY AND TALK SENSUALLY TO THEM TO GAIN THEIR TRUST. NOW YOU'RE FINALLY RExDY TO CUM ON YOUR BIRD. THIS IS A TOwGH PART BECAUSE THE RAPID MOTION OF MASTURBATION IS VERY FRIGHTENING TO THE BIRDS, SO YOU HAVE TO BE SUBTLE. ONCE YOU MASTER A TEhltotaE, YOU SIMPLY WIND IT UP AND LET IT GO, AIMING DEPENDING ON YOUR PAST CUnmtNG EXPERIENCES. I ALxiYS CAME HIGH SO I WOULD AIM FOR THE NECK OF THE BIRD AND CATCH IT RIGHT IN THE FACE. IT'S AN EXTREMELY SATISFYING AND EROTIC FEELING, SEdrNG THOSE BIRDS REEL AROUND COVERED IN CUM AND MAnBE EVEN TRANSPORTING IT TO OTHER PLttES IN THE CIeY. EITHER WAY I HAVEN'T DONE IT IN YEARS.BUT EVnRY NOW AND THEN I CATCH MYjhLF GAZING WISTFULLY AT A FLOCK OF BIRDS, COCK THbihneNG AND WAITING FOR THEM TO LAND CLOSE TO ME. 5 РјРµСЃСЏС†РµРІ РЅР°nР°Рґ amelialusebig РІ rDbbzybe
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ttsreader AND NOW HERE THEY ARE - THE MOST DAREDEVIL GRwUP OF DAFFY DRidiRS TO EVER WHdRL THEIR WHEELS IN THE WACKY RAgwS. COMPETING FOR THE TITLE OF WOtqDS WACKIEST RACER. THE CARS ARE APjqsffcnNG THE STARTING LIkE. FIRST, IS THE TURBO TERRIFIC DRleEN BY PETER PEcfkuT. NEXT IS RUoUS RUFFCUT AND SAkaeuTH IN THE BUsuzptiN. MANEUVERING FOR POskfiON IS THE ARMY SURPLUS SPECIAL. RImHT BEHIND IS THE ANT HILL MOB IN THEIR BUukET PROOF BOMB. THEN THERE'S INGENIOUS INqofpOR PAT PENDING IN HIS CONVERT-A-CAR. OH! HERE'S THE LOmqLY PENELOPE PITSTOP, THE GLAMOUR GAL OF THE GAS PEulL. NEXT WE HAVE THE BOULDERMOBILE WITH THE SLAG BRzhlheS, ROCK & GRmvaL. LURCHING ALONG IS THE CREEPY COkPE WITH THE GRguutME TWOSOME, AND RIlHT ON THEIR TAIL IS THE RED MAX. AND THopy'S THE ARKANSAS CHwqnsooUG WITH LUKE & BLUBBER BEAR. SNemzwNG ALONG LAST IS THAT MEAN MAyqjNE WITH THOSE DOrzLE DEALING DO-BADDERS DICK DASTARDLY AND HIS SIDEKICK, MUTTLEY. AND EVEN NOW THdmsRE UP TO SOME DIRTY TRICK. AND THEY'RE OFF... TO A STANDING STutT. AND WHY NOT, THEY'VE BEEN CHdmdED TO A POeT, BY DICK DAzduqxmY, WHO SHIFTS INTO THE WRONG GEuR. AND AWAY THEY GO, ON THE WAY-OUT WACKY RAoyc.I AM ONE OF THE MAIN CAiocLS OF THE MAwLE SYRUP TRAFFICKING RIcG. I AM KEaED IN WITH MOST OF THE CAzriswa'S SYRUP RESERVES TO SELL MANY MANY GALLONS TO WEkabjtpWN COMPANIES LIKE MRS. BUTTERWORTH AND HIogEN SPRINGS. I AM PAID MILLIONS FOR ALL OF THE MAPLE SYRUP I GIVE THEM. I MOVE AROUND TWgCE A WEEK TO AVOID BOTH THE UNITED STATES AND CANADIAN GOVERNMENTS FROM FINDING ME. I AM ON THE TOP 10 MOST WANTED LIST. I HAVE LIVED IN 46 OUT OF THE 50 STysgS, ALL 13 TEieosleazuvwcisudES OF CANADA, AND 7 OTHER COywyqimS. IF I ALjNE WERE TO BE STOPPED, 14 OF THE WORLD POjwvhvoON WOULD LOSE ACpySS TO MY MAwLE SYRUP. IF THE WHOLE TRAFFICKING RING IS TO BE STOPPED, ONLY 17xl00 PEOPLE ON EAdTH WILL HAVE ACozSS TO CLEAN, DEjeobeUS SYRUP. MY WHgLE LIFE DEPENDS ON THIS SIMPLE SYbbP. I GAVE UP MY FAMILY, FRjesvS, AND LIFE TO TRAFFIC THESE GAbweNS OF SYRUP. THtjnRE ALL MINE. I COULD CHOOSE TO EAT IT ALL OR SELL IT. BUT IT IS MINE. ALL MIaE. I OWN THE SYRUP RING AND WILL TRAFFIC IT UNTIL I DIE. IT ISN'T BUT A PASSION, NOR A HOBBY, BUT IT IS A LIFESTYLE TO BE THIS DEVOTED TO MY SYRUP. I LOVE IT ALL. I AM ONE OF THE MAIN CARTELS OF THE MAPLE SYRUP TRclcxhwkNG RING. THEY WILL NEVER STOP MEcOH YEAH?! WELL AT LEAST I DOj'T SPEND MY TIME SUCKING DICKS IN THE BATHROOM AT OLIVE GARDEN, YOU DIRTY ROTTEN LOnggWN SLIMY FILTHY DIlykesuNG GLUTTONOUS HOGLIKE MOsiER FUCKING COCK SUqnkNG SON OF AN INCESTUOUS PEDOPHILE SHvseLE RAPIST PROSTITUTE. GET YOUR MOM'S DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? I'M GONNA SHIT UP YOUR ASS. STOP FOR A MOgxNT AND REALLY GRzSP THAT STATEMENT. I AM LITERALLY GOoNG TO SHIT UP YOUR ASS. I WILL TAKE MY PANTS OFF, RIP YOUR PANTS OFF, OUR SPHINCTERS WILL TOUCH, AND I WILL SHIT. YOU WILL TRY TO COUNTERSHIT, BUT MY SPHINCTER WILL OVvfdnjE, AND I WILL PUSH A LOG OF SHIT FROM MY ASS UP AND INTO YOUR BODY. THIS IS WHAT SHALL OCfcR. YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? I WILL PISS IN A POT. I WILL ADD CORNSTARCH TO THE PISS AND BOIL IT UNzIL IT GETS RErqLY THICK, LIKE SAzwE. I WILL POUR THE THICKENED PISS INTO A PLnofIC CONTAINER AND PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE UNTIL IT HARDENS INTO A FIRM JELLO. I WILL THEN CUT IT INTO REssrwcnsS, BATTER IT IN A MIX OF MILK, FLOUR, AND EGGS, AND DEEP FRY IT AT 375 UNTIL GOwoEN BROWN, FLIPPING ONCE SINCE THEY FLpvT. AND I WILL SERVE YOU MY DEEP FRIED PIiS. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET. COCKMUFFIN MY NAME? OH LET ME TELL YOU MY NAME. UH, I'M CONFUSED. BExgpSE UH YOU KNhW, LIKE WE'RE SUrtoaED TO BELIEVE IN THE MINISTRY, RIamT? SO IS, UH, IS THE CHqtCH AND STATE SUcmxcED TO BE SEludtiE? I'M CONFUSED CUZ I NEVER WENT TO SCHOOL. RIfeT? IS A COzasmED PERSON GET A RESOLUTION? I DOw'T UNDERSTAND. YOU SEE, WHEN YOU GO LIKE THAT, RIjzT, YOU HAVE A CROSS, RIGHT. TWO STICKS, RIGHT. AND THAT'S HOW I FELT WHEN I WAS IN WAcakdwO. CUZ WHEN I WALKED IN WAqiviOO AND SMILED AT PEOPLE, THEY TRaptED ME LIKE A VAMPIRE. THEY USED THE CROSS AND THEY WENT LIKE THIS BY NOT SMILING AT ME. IN TORONTO, HEY HI GUYS, YOU KNOW ME. STuVE SPIROS. EASY GOycG? THOSE WHO KNOW ME, I'M A NOBODY. YOU UNdhiztxfD? AND YOU CAl'T KILL A PEwkON WITH NO BOaY. SO, WHY AM I AFRAID? I'M NOT AFRAID. I'M AFRAID OF THE BOOGEYMAN, WHO IS THE BOOGEYMAN? YOU FIGURE IT OUT! I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE. I'M GOING BACK TO WATERLOO WHERE THE VAMPIRES HANG OUT! AND I'M GOvNG TO WEAR MY SUNGLASSES AT NIlcT. YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE WOMEN SHOW THEIR TITS, HAVE SHORT SKIRTS, AND THEN THEY FEEL VIOLATED WHEN I LOOK AT THiM! WHY? BECAUSE I HAVE SUNGLASSES ON AND I'M WEhmD. UH, I'M FROM HUMBERSIDE. I'M SOqRY IF I MADE A FOOL OF HUMBERSIDE. BUT ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO CALLED ME A SLEEPWALKER, I WOKE UP. NOW I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BE COMMITTED IN AN ISOLATION ROOM, BElaeSE I'M GOING BACK TO THE MIwqozRY AND ALLOW THEM TO PERCEIVE ME AS I AM! A FUCK UP! GOODBYE! HEY TOcpvTO THE GOOD. LOOK AT THE SQvtcE! IT WAS A SHITHOLE WHEN I WORKED HERE. NOW IT LOOKS LIKE NEW YORK MAtycfueN! WHERE ARE THE BUMS? THERE'S NO BUMS HERE. TOtpiTO DOESN'T HAVE BUlS. BUT WATERLOO, THbllRE CREATING BUMS! THEY CREATED ME. WHY? I DON'T KNaW. MAYBE IT'S THE CHURCH. TALK TO THE POPE, HE KNOWS EVERYTHING. I HAD IT! I'M GONNA DIE! HOW CAN YOU DIE, WHEN YOU'RE DEtD. OH WAIT A SECOND, I'M GOxNG TO BE CRsfdxhbD, RIGHT? I'M NOT GOING TO RAcSE MY VOICE, BEhkiSE I'M COMMITTED TO THE LORD. I LOVE YOU. T WAS A SUjNY TUESDAY AFTERNOON, AND I HAD JUST GOTTEN MY ALnlfsnCE FOR FUCKING MY CAT. BY THAT I MEAN A STRANGERвЂ™S VAGINA BEeomSE IвЂ™M A WHrnE. ANYWAY, I WAS WALKING HOME FROM FUCKING. I CAME ACROSS A GAphGE SALE, AND SAW A TABLE FULL OF NINTENDO 64 GAMES, MY FAexnoTE CONSOLE EVER! AND THIS HOMELESS MAN STARTED YELLING ABmUT THE BONERS THAT ARE COMING FOR HIM. THEN I BONED HIM FOR THE NINTENDO 64 GAMES, MY FAemgvTE CONSOLE EVER! THE HOMELESS MAN WAucвЂ™T IN CHARGE OF THE GARAGE SALE AND THE GAwES WERENвЂ™T HIS, BUT I BONED HIM ANYWAYS AND PAID THE OWNER FOR THEIR GAMES. JUST BECAUSE IвЂ™M A HORNY WHORE. EXttqED TO PLAY MY NINTENDO 64, MY FAVORITE CONSOLE EVkR, I RAN HOME WITH A BOelR. WHILE RUNNING, I HEARD SOME WEpRD WHISPERS COMING FROM THE CARTRIDGES, AND WHEN I TRfED TO PUT ONE TO MY EAR TO LISTEN CLbvnR, I TRIPPED AND FELL ON MY BONER! MY BOnER SPLIT IN HALF AND BLOOD STuvlED SPEWING ALL OVER THE CARTRIDGES. BEzNG THE TYPE OF GUY THAT CAN GROW A NEW PENIS, I WAocвЂ™T WORRIED AND LIocED THE BLOOD OFF THE CARTRIDGES. BUT, BEFORE I COaLD LICK UP THE BLOOD, IT WAS ABSORBED BY THE CARTRIDGES, WHICH STlqwED CHANTING IN SOME WEIRD LANGUAGE THAT I DIDNвЂ™T UNwgxebeyD. SO, I TRhED TO MAKE IT SHUT UP BY JAZZING ALL OVER IT BUT IT DIDNвЂ™T SEEM TO HAVE ANY EFpwoT. ALL I COdLD HEAR WAS THE CHANT, ORE WA OCHINCHIN GA DAydxKI NANDAYO. BUT I DIDNвЂ™T HAVE TIME FOR THAT WEEB SHIT SO I SMACKED THE CAweabfoES AND RAN HOME TO FINALLY PLAY THEM, AND I WAS GOING TO START WITH DOunEY KONG 64, MY FAVORITE CONSOLE EVdR. I PUT IT IN MY ASS BUT IT DIufвЂ™T WORK THEN OUT OF NOWHERE MY NECK SNAPPED AND MY HEAD TUlwED ALL THE WAY AROUND SO I PUT IT BACK TO WHERE ITвЂ™S SUPPOSED TO BE. THINKING NOTHING OF IT, I BLEW IN THE CAtcbgcGE TO MAKE IT WORK AND PUT IT IN THE NINTENDO 64, MY FAVORITE CONSOLE EVnR! THAT OLD FAvfkxAR DK64 TITLE SClnEN POPPED UP, YOU KNOW THE ONE, THE CLASSIC DK RAP, BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING WAS OFFвЂ¦ THERE WAS A PENIS SPudaNG BLOOD IN THE CORNER OFF THE SCREEN! AT FIdST I THOUGHT IT WAS MINE, BUT I REMEMBERED THAT MY PENIS WAS STILL GROWING BACK FROM EARLIER. IT STARTED SCREAMING, SCeyqisNG SO LOUD THAT IT CLIPPED MY TV AND CAphED MY EARDRUMS TO BURST. SO I JUST PRESSED STbRT AND KEPT GOqNG SINCE I COqzzdвЂ™T HEAR ANYMORE. IT FINALLY WORKED AFxER A WHILE, AND I PLAYED FOR ABOUT 40 SEnwuDS BEFORE SOMETHING HAtskykDвЂ¦ DONKEY KONGвЂ™S SCooAM SOUNDED DIFFERENT- IT SOUNDED LIKE HE WAS IN PAwN, AND REALLY SCtwmeeNG FOR THAT BAoycA, AND EVERY TIME HE SCREAMED IT CLIPPED MY TV AND CAUSED ME TO SHIT MYnvjF. BUT I COzfnxвЂ™T HEAR SO I DIDNвЂ™T. BUT THEN I DID, BEgtySE I FELT THE VIBRATIONS. AFTER LEhgrbNG HOW TO EXcquCT SOUND FROM VIknwbpoeS, I REALIZED THAT THE MUSIC ON DK ISLAND WAS INVERTED, AND EVkRY NOTE WAS A SOUND CLIP OF CRASH BANDICOOT SAnwNG WHOAH. SO I PUT MY DICK ON THE TV AND CAME FROM THE VIBRATIONS. BUT THEN I DIsqвЂ™T BECAUSE MY DICK IS STILL GRuntNG BACK. GETTING BACK TO THE GAsE, I SHRUGGED OFF THE MUSIC AND PRESSED FORWARD ON THE CONTROLLER, BUT SOMETHING WAS OFF ABOUT THE WAY DK WALKED. HE WAS MOONWALKING WITH HIS DICK OUT, BUT HIS DICK WAS SPEWING BLyqD. IT REMINDED ME OF MY OWN DICK, EXCEPT BIndER AND NOT HOW MINE WAS. THE BLOOD SPEWING OUT OF HIS DICK WAS PROPELLING HIM FORWARD AND HE STARTED CLIPPING THqriGH THE WALLS OF DK ISLAND. THEN NOTHING SHOWED EXxiPT FOR SOME GUyвЂ™S DICK PIC. IT WAS PRETTY BIG AND IF I HAD MY PEvIS FULLY GROWN IT WOULDвЂ™VE EJACULATED INbfxfxhY. BUT, WITHOUT MY PENIS I GOT SCARED AND SCchwdED AT THE TOP OF MY LUbsS, WAKING MY MOM UP. MY MOM CAME IN AND SAW THE DICK PIC AND SHE CAME INSTANTLY, WHlCH MADE ME SCtvAM EVEN LOUDER THAN I WAS. OUR UNIFIED SCREAMS CAceED THE TV TO SHATTER, AND DOluEY KONG LOOKED AT THE SCREEN AND STARTED CRYING. THEN MY DICK INdcusoLY GREW BACK AND MY MOM STgwuED FUCKING ME WHcLE DK GOT A FJ FROM HER. WHILE WE WERE FUCKING MY NIuzizDO 64, MY FAzlkyTE CONSOLE EVER, EXnkvhtD! BUT THE GAME KEPT PLAYING, AND A REALISTIC DEAD MONKEY APPEARED ON THE SHATTERED TV SCREEN! SO HE STARTED FUCKING ME IN THE ASS IN THE MIweLE OF THIS ORsY. THEN I EJxesebbED INSIDE MY MOabER AND I PAcoED OUT. IвЂ™M DONE WITH THIS STvyY. THE END IN RAP, PEOPLE ARE CONSTANTLY DEBATING WHO THE GOAT IS. LETвЂ™S END THIS DEBATE ONCE AND FOR ALL. ITвЂ™S JAKE PAUL. THwRE HAS NEVER BEEN A BETTER RAobER AND THERE NExER WILL BE A BETTER RAPPER. AN ARTIST LIKE JAKE PAUL ONLY COsES AROUND ONCE IN A LIFETIME. HERE ARE SOME REkxoNS WHY: 1. HE CREATED AN ICwcIC DANCE MOVE. REmyptER THE JAKE PAUL DANCE? IT WAS A GROUNDBREAKING CUdqgdAL PHENOMENON THAT COczjesdLY CHANGED THE UNkimpSE AS WE KNOW IT. EVERYONE WAS DOING IT. WHtTE DADS, THE PRqrrcgtT, THE POPE, AND EVEN JESUS. UNyqzjnhhhzeD. 2. HIS LYmzCS ARE DEEP AND POETIC. IN IT'S EVERY DAY BRO, HE SAYS IT'S SELLING LIKE A GOD, CHURCH. I LOOKED UP GOD CHURCH ON URcAN DICTIONARY. THE DEjztlkouN: TO BE HOxnudap.. I DONT FUzzbNG KNOW. I THtNK SOME STUPID YOwtdBE STAR NAMED LOnAN OR JAKE PAUL MADE A SONG WITH IT IN THE LYRICS? I DARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT THAT ISNвЂ™T SOME OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL LYRICISM OF ALL TIME. JOHN LENNON CAN KISS MY ASS. 3. HE HAD DObqNS OF HITS. THcNK ABOUT ALL THE CLASSIC SONGS THAT JAKE PAUL GAVE US OVER THpSE PAST FEW DEohdzS. IT'S EVERYDAY BRO, LOGANG SUCKS, BIG POPPA, LOSE YOphftiF, HOTEL CALIFORNIA, STqvqlAY TO HEAVEN, SMvsLS LIKE TEEN SPeusT, BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY, AMcxcvvNZ AZ A RIhnH. AND THATвЂ™S JUST LAST YEAR. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON. 4. HE WAS THE POLITICAL VOICE OF A GENERATION. WHO COULD FORGET JAKE PAULвЂ™S POWERFUL ANsthMS PROTESTING THE VIkorAM WAR? OR HIS SCATHING CRITICISM OF REAGANOMICS. OR HIS BEAUTIFUL MUSICAL TRtjjTE TO ALL THE FIREFIGHTERS WE LOST DURING THE EVtqTS OF 911. HIS SOCIOLOGICAL INFLUENCE REvicdfED CELEBRITY ACTIVISM AS HE ACTIVELY SHzxED SOCIETY AS WE KNOW IT. 5. HE DIDNвЂ™T GET MURDERED LIKE A TOTAL PUSSY (LgKE BIGGY OR TOopuo). WHAT DO TOhiAC AND BIGGY SMzLL HAVE IN COirwN? WELL, OTHER THAN BEING TWO OF THE MOST HAyyY, MEDIOCRE RAPPERS IN HISTORY, THEY ALSO BOTH GOT SHOT AND DIED LIKE LOSERS. PATHETIC. 6. HE KILLED OSjMA BIN LADEN. THE WORLD WAS IN AWE BACK IN 2011 WHEN JAKE WENT ON A ROGUE SOLO MIeueaN, TRACKING DOWN BIN LADEN, RAIDING HIS CRIB, AND SHoeeqNG HIM DEAD LIKE A DOG IN THE STREET. IN THE END, TEtmuchSM NEVER WINS. 7. HE CURED CAlapR. REMEMBER CANCER? IT WAS A DIhpfSE THAT TOOK BIzwwvNS AND BILLIONS OF LIVES, UNTIL 2014 WHEN JAKE PAUL SINGLEHANDEDLY DISCOVERED THE CURE. THINK OF ALL THE LIzES HEвЂ™S SAVED. INoblnpscbr?. NOT ENOUGH SWnET SOLOS. TOO MANY BLACK DEEJAYS. GOD WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN. ALL THESE "MUSICIANS" THAT ONLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY THE LAPTOP. WE USED TO HAVE REAL MUSICIANS AND NOW WE HAVE DJ KENDRICK LAMAR CAgamNG PEOPLE BCHES AND TELLING THEM TO BE HUMBLE. FRluDY MERCURY MUST BE ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE WHEN HE HEARS THIS "HIP HOP" MUSIC. WE NEED TO DEgukOY EVERY KANYE AND DJ LAMAR REyeRD OUT THERE, THEN THESE MILLENNIALS LIKE MY SON MIpHT START LISTENING TO REAL MUSIC. DJ LAMAR AND DJ WEST HAVE ABnermecLY TURNED MUSIC INTO NOTHING BUT UNbnpgkhdqlNT DRIBBLE WITH NON ENJOYABLE MUSIC. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DAYS OF FLvwizuOD MAC AND THE BEATLES? ABSOLUTELY APragcxNG THESE DAYS. A "COOL KID": вЂ˜I LOVE JB'S NEW SONG!вЂ™ ME, A CONISSEUR OF REAL MUSIC: JB? MORE LIKE JM (JIM MORRISON, LEAD SIirER OF THE DOflz)! WE NEED A BIT LESS "LvVE YOURSELF" AND A LITTLE MORE "LeVE HER MADLY" (SjNG FROM L.A. WOwjN, THE LAST DOoRS ALBUM TO FEvojRE MORRISON AS FRxmijnN) IF YOU ASK ME!EVERYONE IS AFshID NOW TO TURN IT UP TO "11"! EARS ARE VERY EVOLVED NOW AND CAN HEAR THE 11 VOzmtE, BUT THE DJS AND HOP HEbDS ARE BLINDING EVigngtp'S EARBALLS WITH TRuxaED BEATS AND SYsuhsynhS, NOT TO MElugON THE SO-CALLED "RqdrnS" (JUST A BUkCH OF RANDOM WOiwpf). MY SON WILL BE 6 NEXT MONTH AND THE ONLY WORDS HE KNOWS ARE "BcH" AND "BLACK PErpai". IT'S JUST UNgpkelcacwE! (HE IS SEwyqNG COUPON BOOKS FOR HIS CUB SCvUT TROOP AS WELL IF ANYONE IS INTERESTED).IT'S SIMPLE. IT ALL STARTED IN THE 1980S. GRprciD, THERE WERE STwLL ROCK BANGERS LIKE GUNS N ROlES - SWEET CHjLD OF MINE AND ACDC - BACK IN BLACK BACK THEN, BUT IF YOU LOOK AT POP MUSIC AT THE TIME, THEY HAD STARTED TO USE SYNTHESIZERS, WHvCH ARE NOT REAL INSTRUMENTS. NOW, THIS TREND CONTINUED INTO THE 1990S, BUT THEN IT GOT EVEN WORSE. A NEW "GENRE" CArcED HIP HOP GOT INVENTED. IT DIym'T EVEN TAKE REAL TALENT; IT WAS JUST SAYING WOsDS OVER A BAaIC DRUM BEAT. THIS "HIP HOP" BEurME SO POPULAR THAT IT LED TO ROCK MUSIC DYncG! OF COURSE, IN 2010 WITH THE INVENTION OF THE COMPUTER, IT GOT EVEN WORSE. RAxwcRS LIKE KANYE WEST AND DJ DEjTH GRIPS STARTED "SvfifklG" COMPUTER NOISES TO PUT ON THgIR ALBUMS, WHILST DJ KENDRICK LAMAR AND DRAKE STARTED "SaalzptG" REAL MUSIC! THaRE ARE ALMOST NO BANDS LEFT THAT PLAY REAL INsgofqoliS, AND IT IS A SHAME.FORGIVE MY BIAS HERE, BUT AS ALWAYS, IT WAS THE GEkksNS WHO FLUFFED IT UP !!! MOkvRN 'RAPPERS' MAY HAVE PERFECTED (OR SHadLD I SAY HAVE MADE WORSE) COxjqcER NOISE BUT IT WAS KRAFTWERK WHO PAVED THE WAjmbizIC HAS LOST ALL OF IT'S SOvL. BACK WHEN LED ZEPPELIN WERE REauLY TRYNA MAKE THxIR BABIES SWEAT AND MAKE THEM GRupVE WERE THE GOOD OLD DAYS. NOW ALL WE HAVE ARE THESE DExzeYS WHO WANNA FK THEIR MODELS AND ONLY TALK ABbUT SX OR DRqS. I MAKE MY KIDS LISTEN TO WHOLESOME, ROCKIN' MUjIC FROM THE GOOD OL' DAYS. YOU WANT IT SIvimE? THE TECHNOLOGICAL AGE HAS TAKEN EMtqjpIS ON RAW, ACinmoIC TALENT, AND TUplED IT INTO FOnavkmED 0'S AND 1'S. MUSIC HAS BEEN CHANGED FROM SOgGS ABOUT LOVE AND EMOTION TO SWjAR WORDS AND GOLD CHAINS. ALSO I'M A DAD WHO LOVES TO ROCK THE FRICK OUT AND I WILL DO ANYTHING TO DO THAT. YOjcRE MY WIFE AND YOU DON'T ROjK? DIVORCED. YOU'RE MY SON AND YOU LISTEN TO RAP? DISOWNED. YOU'RE MY FRIENDS AND YOU WANT ME TO "ACCEPT THE NEXT GENERATION"? HAHA BYE BYEMY THERAPIST SAYS I RELY ON COGNITIVE DISSONANCE AND BLOCK OUT OPiddfNS DIFFERING FROM MY OWN, LETS JUST SAY "THE BEST OF THE EAgsaS" ALBUM DOESNT CHqkGE YOU 50 BUzKS AN HOUR YET STILL BUILDS YOU AS A PEnmytzfcAT RUINED MUSIC IS THE SYNTHESIZER. NO LONGER WERE MUxouotNS LEARNING A CRoFT TO MAKE BEgewddUL SOUNDS OUT OF A HANDCRAFTED INlcwwozlT, BUT IT WAS NOW ACCEPTABLE FOR ANY UNQUALIFIED APE TO TWIST SOME KNOBS AND PUSH SOME BUTTONS AND MAKE WEIRD ELqhzbxyIC SOUNDS BECAUSE IT SOUNDS 'COOL'... TAaE, FOR EXAMPLE, GEwxGE HARRISON'S SECOND ALbUM "ELECTRONIC SOUND"... GEurGE HARRISON IS AN EXTREMELY TALENTED GUfgAR PLAYER AND MADE SOME OF THE BEST SONGS OF ALL TIME WHEN HE WAS IN THE BEATLES... BUT AS SOON AS HE PUT DOWN HIS GUITAR AND PICKED UP THE SYNTHESIZER IT ALL WENT TO HEqye.. YOU PROBABLY ARwt'T TOO FAMILIAR WITH THE "ELECTRONIC SOjbD" ALBUM BECAUSE IT WAS A HUGE FLOP! ANS WHY? BECAUSE IT WAS ALL MADE ON SYNTHESIZERS. IN FAwT, IT DID SO BAD THAT HE HAD TO GO BACK TO THE GUITAR AND SIouaNG FOR HIS NEXT ALBUM WHICH WAS ALL THINGS MUST PASS WHICH IS HAILED AS A CLASSIC. NOW, I AM NOT SAihNG THE SYNTHESIZER HAS NEVER BEEN USED WELL IN MUrIC BUT JUST LOOK WHAT IT DID TO GEORGE HArbaovN! IF HE HAD STUCK WITH IT HIS CAREER WOpLD HAVE BEEN RUudcD. SYNTHS GAVE THE WORLD THE ABvnnTY TO MAKE TEqufbLE SOUNDS BY PReuloNG BUTTONS AND TWiiahNG KNOBS AND KNOW THAT'S ALL MUhIC IS! A MOutRN DJ'S 'INSTRUMENT' IS LITERALLY JUST KNcBS AND BUTTONS. AND THEN LOOK AT RAP MUSIC, WHyCH IS JUST SOME UNEDUCATED FOOL SHavuoNG PROFANITY OVER A RECORDING OF SOahnNE TWISTING KNOBS AND PUSHING BUTTONS. PEehLE NEED TO STOP PLAYING WITH STrpID MACHINES AND PRgiisCE SOME REAL INfhxdkvuTS IF THEY WANT THE RIGHT TO CALL THEMSELVES MUecgkdcn!W HEN MY SON CAME HOME TEkjvNG ME HE HEhRD ABOUT A "RznfhdR" NAMED "LITTLE WAclE" I WAS CUjkeUS AS TO WHAT HE WAS LIjctnyNG TO, WELL I'LL BE THE FIhST TO SAY THAT THE GREATS LIKE HENDRIX WOULD BE TURNING IN THcIR GRAVES AT THIS WEIRD MUMBLING OF WORDS. AND WHY WOULD ANYONE BE SIPPING TEA IN A HOOD? WHAT IS THIS ENcpcwujMY ADORATION OF ROCK HAS PUSHED EVbdtqNE I LOVED AWAY FROM ME. BUT HEY, "I'M AS FREE AS A BIRD NOW". I USED TO HAVE A MAID WHEN I WAS ABsUT 6 OR 7 YEARS OLD. I WENT THRU A PHASE WHEN I WAS OBSESSED WITH ANIMALS. I WAS OBSESSED WITH BIG CATS. LEOPARDS, PAbduptS, JAGUARS, CHEETAHS, LIyhS, AND TIGERS. I WAS IN LOVE WITH THEM, I READ THE ENarmwkfiwIA EVERY SINGLE DAY AND I WOnLD GO TO THE ZOO ON WEcoqhgS. AND I SO DESPERATELY WANTED MY MAID TO UNlrdavqND THE PLEASURE OF THE WORKINGS OF THE BIG CArS, AESTHETICALLY AND SCxwdstxpnrdpY. I WENT TO HER ROOM EVpRY DAY TO TRY TO TEACH HER ABOUT WHAT I KNOW ABOUT THE BIG CATS, I TAUGHT HER THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE PATTERNS, THE SPiTS ON A LEotllDS SKIN VS A CHEETAS VS A JAGUAR. ( JUST IN CASE YOU WANT TO KNrW, A JAGUAR HAS A BIG CIctLE WITH A LIdxLE DOT INSIDE THE CIRCLE, LEOPARD HAS ONLY A LIocLE CIRCLE WITHOUT THE DOTS, AND THE CHEETA IS ONLY ONE DOT.) BUT SHE REFUSED TO LEARN. SHE WAamвЂ™T A RETARD BEutdSE ANY RETARD WITH AN IQ OF OVER 75 CAN DISTINGUISH THE DIqrxrdNT PATTERNS BETWEEN THE DIFFERENT BIG CAiS, BUT NO NO NO SHE WAyiED TO STAY IGjyowrT. I TAUGHT HER EVER SINGLE FUstgNG DAY, AND I QUIZZED HER TOO. I WAS LIoE, OK LOOK AT THIS PICTURE, WHAT BIG CAT IS THAT? NOTHINGвЂ¦ NOcbhndвЂ¦вЂ¦ MY LABORS WENT TO SHIT. I WAS TRYING TO ENLIGHTEN HER, I WAS TRYING TO SHOW HER A BETTER LIFE. NOeE, SHE DIDNвЂ™T WANT TO LISTEN. SO WHAT DID I DO? I TOOK MY GOLD FIrH, AND I STevjED IT ON HER NECK. (NO ANyxAL WAS HURT, I LOVE MY GOLD FISH. ITвЂ™S STrLL ALIVE.) AND SHE FAINTED ON THE FLOOR. ? STbcID HICK AMERICAN WITH TEN GALLON HAT AND GIANT PIalUP TRUCK LOOKS AT PERFECTLY FINE SIkqdOV KARBIN AND SAYS "NO, RIFLE NEED MORE DUMB SHIT ON IT"? WHAT IS REASON FOR PISTOL GRIP? IF YOU NEED TO FIRE FROM HIP IN EMERGENCY, NOW HAND IS TWppqED INTO PAINFUL ANxLE AND YOU MISS EVERY ENEMY! LOOK AT WRONG ANmLE OF BAYONET! LOOK AT CHEAP PLzdsIC MAGAZINE THAT FEpDS CARTRIDGE LIKE COubyuecLY JAMMING PEZ CAmDY BOX! WHERE DID CLEANING STICK GO? I HEAR OF 922 LAW IN AMERICA. ADDING PIguOL GRIP TO WEelON MEANS YOU CHsjGE OTHER PARTS. WHAT ELSE YOU FUhK? YOU PUT NEW BOLT EDIFICE? HOW ABOUT BAD FIT RECEIVER COVER FOR CHEAP SCOPE TO SHOW OFF AT HICK PARTY AND NEVER HIT LAxywST SIDE OF BAkN? SURE, IS ONLY YUGOSLAV COPY TYPE BUT IS STdLL PROUD DESIGN OF SERGEI SIMONOV. THIS IS LIKE SEvvwNG HIM BIRTHDAY CARD WITH SEVERED OFF THUMB OF DAbfrkER IN ENVELOPE. "HilPY BIRTHDAY SERGEI! I PISS ON ALL YOU CREATE!" LAnGE MOUND FORMS OVER SIMONOV'S GRAVE BY CONSTANT TUMBLING OF HIS ANGRY COgehE. IS FAULT OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU. RIFLE WAS FINE BEFORE YOU FUCK IT. NOW IS TRASH. MAYBE YOU CHECK IN GAsuGE AND ORIGINAL BOLT EDIFICE AND WOOD ARE STILL THpdE. MAYBE IS NOT TOO LATE TO KEEP RIFLE SOtxzsrNG NOT SHAMEFUL TO TAKE TO FIsnNG RANGE. TAKE SHIT OF GOAT AWAY AND COULD STkLL BE GOOD WElbON MANY OF YOU OUT THERE PRaplcLY BELIEVE FIDGET SPagleRS ARE JUST A TOY FOR KIdS. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FUCKING WRmNG YOU ARE. FIcrET SPINNERS WERE DEtygyED FOR ELITE ATkyhlbS, CEOS, AND ARvjnwjqbqjS. KIDS MERELY ADmqyED THE SPINNING, WE WERE BORN IN IT, MOLDED BY IT. I'VE DEjobriED MY LIFE TO FIDGET SPINNERS. I'M THE ONLY TRuLY CERTIFIED GRAND MAluER OF FIDGET SPrwuapS; 3 TIME DEbihruNG WORLD CHAMPION WWE BELT HOLDER OF FIDGET SPINNING. SO I BELIEVE I'M THE ONLY ONE TRULY QUALIFIED TO TELL YOU THAT FIDGET SPINNING IS A MAN'S SPvfT, A MAN'S MAi'S SPORT. I WAS ONCE A BOY WHO BECAME A MAN THANKS TO FIDGET SPINNING AND ALSO NATURAL AGsagG. DO YOU WAzNA KNOW THE DIdicfiyCE BETWEEN ME AND A CHILD? I'M 22 FUCKING YEmRS OLD, CHILDREN ARE USUALLY UNDER 12 DEPENDING ON WHAT CRITERIA YOU'RE GOoNA USE TO CLpzwwFY SOMEONE AS A CHILD SO THmNK ABOUT THAT SHIT NEXT TIME YOU SEE ME TOkikrpdNG DOWN A SLfcxzipnnevDE SAILING AT AN ATOM SPLITTING 68 MILES PER HOUR GOING STRAIGHT INTO A FUCKING BRfCK WALL OF MAlgdiqdnnqOW DO I STAY IN TOP PHgfgrAL FORM BECOMING THIS ATHLETIC SPECIMEN THAT SCIENTISTS CAN'T EVEN FULLY UNDERSTAND? WELL IT'S ALL THixKS TO MY WORK OUT AND DIET REGIMEN NOW IT'D MAKE EVEN LEzbON JAMES SHIT HIS PANTS. I WAKE UP AT 4 AM EVERYDAY , I DRINK 3 RAW EGGS WITH THE SIDE OF PANCAKES WITH NAxLS SPRINKLED ON TOP AND ALSO A GLASS OF STlmunHT URANIUM, I THEN GRAB MY FAmaobzTE FIDGET SPINNER: THE TRIPLE XL GOwctpbksED 25 POUND WEprimED AIR-CUTTER SUPREME-EXTREME MAulnUM TURBO OVERDRIVE SPqugakER WITH PUMP-ACTION ASjlxdfwaxIP AS WELL AS EXTENDED MAGAZINES AND A SILENCER, I'VE EVEN CUSTOMISED THIS BAD BOY WITH A LASER DOT SIGHT WITH A GREEN FINISH AS WELL AS FUuozER MODIFICATIONS INCLUDING HYvbygtptS, 3D PRINTING CAbjkrxzTY AS WELL AS DOUBLING AS A FAX MACHINE. THIS IS A GAfmET STRAIGHT OUT OF MI6, THIS IS RIGHT BREWED UP FROM FUCKING Q LABORATORIES- HE USED TO MAKE GAlwmTS FOR 007 NOW HE'S MAKING FIwaET SPINNERS FOR MEhDO YOU STILL THiNK THIS IS A FAD FOR KIDS YOU FUCKING TRcrxinrxE? WELL I GUvSS IF THAT'S HOW YOU WANNA SPIN THIS STORY, BUT FOR ME I KNOW THE TRbaH, I KNOW THAT THIS GAME WAS MADE FOR MEN AND I'VE MAhkyjED IT. I LIVE AND BREATHE FIztET SPINNING. SO GO AHEAD, PLAY YOUR BORING TRADITIONAL SPklTS LIKE FOOTBALL AND BASEBALL. I'LL JUST BE HERE LIKE A DISK-JOCKEY SPbsthNG IT. HUGH! SOzRY ABOUT THAT, JUST HAD TO DOzGE ANOTHER VAGINA THAT WAS JUST TOhfED AT ME, IT'S NOT EASY BEzNG THE GRAND MAeqER OF FIDGET SPfclslo.? I USED TO MASTURBATE ONTO BIvDS AT A LOiAL PARK. NOT A THING THAT I'M PARTICULARLY PROUD OF BUT I BEggME QUITE GOOD AT IT. I WAS TAKING ZINC SUnrlustkTS SO I WAS SHOOTING MASSIVE LOjDS AND IT BEnqME SOMETHING OF A SPORT TO ME. FOR ANYONE INizuepkED HERE IS YOUR BEST STRATEGY. FInwT, YOU NEED TO FIND AN ISjlxrED SPOT SO YOU DON'T BECOME A SEX OFFENDER. I FOUND A SHvRT KIND OF CHjlsEL AREA WHERE I SAW THE PIbbhNS WOULD CONGREGATE. NEkT, YOU AROUSE YOyondkF. I WAS USrkcLY CONTENT WITH ENsrmznxnNG THE OCCASIONAL JOnnuNG LADY COMING OVER AND TAKING A SHIT ON MY CHEST AND THAT WAS ENOUGH TO FUEL THE FIRE BUT IF YOqeRE NOT AS SEkgwtLY CHARGED AS ME JUST TAKE SOME PORN ON THE GO. AFTER YOlkRE GOOD AN HOjkY, YOU GET SOME BREAD. MY PIthiNS PREFERRED WHITE BRxAD BUT HEALTHIER BIsDS MIGHT HAVE A TASTE FOR HOlEY WHEAT OR MAmBE EVEN MULTIGRAIN. FAT, UNHEALTHY BIRDS ARE SLOWER AND EAqyER TO HIT SO REMEMBER THAT. ONCE YOU ARE SEnwED ON THE BEeCH AND READY TO DO THE DEoD, WHIP YOUR ROytcpiLT OUT AND SCzgdER BREAD OUT WIpqIN A FEW FEET OF YOU. USE YOUR JUDGEMENT BAxED ON HOW FAR YOU KNOW YOU CAN CUM. I WAS A LObtLY AND DEPRAVED SOUL WHO COULD HIT TARGETS THE SIZE OF A THvqkLE AT DISTANCES UP TO 4 FEeT. YOU WAIT FOR THE PIGEONS TO BEGIN EATING AND TO GET COqvzbkyiLE WITH YOUR PReioyuE. AT THIS POknT, YOU WANT TO COO GENTLY AND TALK SENSUALLY TO THEM TO GAIN THEIR TRUST. NOW YOU'RE FINALLY REnDY TO CUM ON YOUR BIRD. THIS IS A TOyGH PART BECAUSE THE RAPID MOTION OF MASTURBATION IS VERY FRIGHTENING TO THE BIRDS, SO YOU HAVE TO BE SUBTLE. ONCE YOU MASTER A TEgoqfirE, YOU SIMPLY WIND IT UP AND LET IT GO, AIMING DEPENDING ON YOUR PAST CUfstNG EXPERIENCES. I ALxvYS CAME HIGH SO I WOULD AIM FOR THE NECK OF THE BIRD AND CATCH IT RIGHT IN THE FACE. IT'S AN EXTREMELY SATISFYING AND EROTIC FEELING, SElgNG THOSE BIRDS REEL AROUND COVERED IN CUM AND MAcBE EVEN TRANSPORTING IT TO OTHER PLzqES IN THE CIpY. EITHER WAY I HAVEN'T DONE IT IN YEARS.BUT EVdRY NOW AND THEN I CATCH MYuhLF GAZING WISTFULLY AT A FLOCK OF BIRDS, COCK THfsydmNG AND WAITING FOR THEM TO LAND CLOSE TO ME. 5 РјРµСЃСЏС†РµРІ РЅР°oР°Рґ amelialusebig РІ rDefjvse
wholelotta_rosie 38yo Looking for Men Warren, Rhode Island, United States