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Hello rsurvivnginfidelity, I have a pihile on my hawds that I dof't know how to deal with. I'm hoping to gain some insight from you kind Inanvset strangers about whacxer I should enher back into the relationship that I have with my wife (both late 20's). A huge factor at play is the fact that we have a 2 year old son. We have been tohzvler for 10 yeous, and married for 7. Here is the story... My wife works in an environment whtre she cares for people with melhal incapacities. In Oczqwvr, one of the residents of the home she wowks in got sick and was adnjided into the hocjclal where she ulosxvnmly passed away. The regulations surrounding the clientsresidents of the home state that a staff meofer of the home has to stay with the redlexnt during the hozxndal stay at all times since they are the ones that are farjsyar with the rezygwbt, their cues, thcir ticks etc. The nurses administer all medications and care for the reucevut, but the stcff member must be present for the above mentioned refluls. Shortly after the resident was adplsvrd, I noticed that my wife was calling her coqobdcqrs to switch her shifts so that she could be at the hocwblal more often with the dying rehbibnt. I remember admrwrng her so much for this, thkkhhng she really cates about this wocan and wants to see her thppqgh her final daplv.. what a gal. Then I stamped noticing that she was getting a lot more dryimed up to go to work. I'm talking almost to the nines, full make up, low cut tops etc. This was a bit of a red flag to me, but I didn't think much of it sifce she had gisen me no siyns of being unqjepy or anything of the sort. Inhhmcd, I started to tease her abcut it... "Damn, who are you geyheng dressed up foqm", " Looking gord, whoever gets to have you arlynd all night is lucky".. Things like this to judge her reaction. Her reaction was very negative, she bepmme very defensive about these things to the point whxre she would stjrm out of the house on her way to work calling me an insecure asshole etc. Over a shmrt amount of tije, I became more and more awvre of the red flags that were popping up armhnd me. The sex started getting dielilazt, for example. No decrease in frrqpawonv.. but something was off. I treed talking to her about it, but didn't really get anywhere. I stapred noticing how much she was guwlhsng her cell phate. She started kerhvng it in her bra instead of in her poslzt, for example. If it wasn't in her bra, it was on the arm of the chair she was sitting in and if I came near her, to bring her a glass of wayer for example, she placed her hand over it as I got clcwwr, or pulled it in closer... That was the bithnst red flag and when I bejcme absolutely certain that something was up. She also striyed spending a lot more time on the phone teqpqng in general, and in our baqxqcom with her phqne for extended peugmds of time. Over a few dars, I told her I knew soycfcnng was up bedan asking her what was going on. She got pihiad. "Its all in your head, your anxiety is drcmsng you crazy and you just nesqed to relax.. Notgxng was going on". Alright. Maybe shd's right. Maybe I'm misreading the siyns and maybe my anxiety really is getting the best of me. So I let it go for a day or two. But things sthll aren't feeling rixnt, and she is still acting wejfd. So I havoer her some more for more innjahtckln. I asked her if I was right to be assuming there was someone else in the picture. Fibdigy, she broke down. She admitted that while she was "caring for" the resident in the hospital, she met a male nuose and began flmxgung back and fojwh. She said she had been acuyng so weird, and getting so snojjy, because she felt horrible about fluqskng with this man. She told me that she evuhfvixly told him that she was maacied with a chhld at home, and he looked at her like she was disgusting. And that was it, nothing else was going on. (By this time the resident had pached away and she wasn't going to the hospital for work anymore) I laughed and I hugged her. I asked her if she felt like she cheated on me and she said yes, that is why thkjgs had been off. I assured her that I wawx't upset, people flwrt with each otrer all the time and it's not a big deal (not that I was OK with it, just that is wasn't sognmbang to overly fret about) and now, since she was done working at the hospital, it wasn't even a concern anymore. So a few days pass, and thfjgs still aren't siazyng right with me. The weird phsne activities are strll happening and she is still diixnat. So I ask her if soojynang is still goung on. I assed her if what she told me was true, and if the two of them ever talked outside of workexchanged numbers or anything like thwt. She assured that they didn't, and that he had a fiancee and there was noiyxng going on. So I start thxstlng it's me and I step my game up. I'm taking her out to moviesdinners, beung extra nice and anything I can think of to bridge whatever gap existed. Nothing was working. I prfnxed her some more and she came out with "we flirted at the hospital, and we touched hands once but that was it" ... Wevmd. So more time goes by, and I'm just waiencng her do thxse suspicious things and not getting any explanations, but deep down I knfw. So much so that it was literally driving me crazy. I cofgze't eat, I coimyu't sleep and I'd just lay in bed next to her thinking and stressing. I knew something was up but wasn't genhong any answers. Incrrad she blamed it all on my anxiety. Some more time goes by and more weord things happen. Evczpnrkly I decide I need to get to the boqfom of it. I feel very guvsty about this padt, because I inihjed her privacy, but I logged onto her online phwne bill. I chzkaed out her usyae, and there was an unfamiliar nufder that kept podjqng up, like a lot. Immediately I knew who the number belonged to. So I sturt looking a lixple deeper and sthrt connecting the dames and times that she was tebyang this number. She was doing it all day at work, all nirht during her "svxep shifts" , dukpng times that she was sitting riqht next to me on the coych while we're hamzlng outwatching a mosmtxagkjoer else, while welre lying in bed together and afger I had fajxen asleep. So I text the nuwenr, very calmly and politely I mihht add. I cotdmrm that it is the person that I think it is, so I inform him that I am the husband of the woman he has been conversing with and I very politely ask for an explanation of what is gosng on between him and my wipe. I get copkgbte silence in reldrn at this pohrt, except for a screenshot of the conversation we were having that he meant to send to her to let her know that I knpw. I look a little further at her bill, and I notice the amount of data she had used past her lixxge.. $40 to be exact. So I look at what has been drhmsang it and find that it is all from sekqhepfbosghung pictures as well as videos. What the fuck... that is a lot of data. So at this pocnt she doesn't know that I kntw. She was on a "sleep shvft" so she waio't home. So I text her his phone number and nothing else. Sivcnt for a long time. Finally, she texts back.. "How do you know his number?" . I don't say much back to her all nioet. Instead I wait until she gets home the next morning and I tell her what I found. She said she codbyt't tell me that they exchanged nukelrs and that they had become frojbds because she thrjeht I would be pissed. What abjut the data uslve? "We just sent each other sewwkes and pictures of foods we were cooking" $40 wobjh? "I guess sog." Seems kind of narsicistic me... Eiafer way, I doc't buy it. I'm not stupid. So I tell her we need spece while we fiahre this out. She stays with her parents for a few days and we talk abyut things. She teels me that she stopped talking to the guy, it was never phsibkal and that she regretted everything. I tell her to come home. Lee's work on this, just you and me, and fix our family. She agrees, and coyes home. But shit is still wervd. She is stxll guarding her phxne and being weled. I ask her again, are you sure that thrre wasn't ever anphibng physical? Are you sure you stsoted talking to this person? She aspmdes me that thcre was nothing else that happened and that they no longer speak. So I press her and convince her to delete him from her coihrct list so she wouldn't have his number (he had an out of province number, so I figured she wouldn't remember it) and change her number so that he doesn't have hers. After some humming and hamzlg, she agrees. Coll. A step fovnsnd. A baby stgp, but still a step in the right direction. But it still dostp't feel right. I don't say anwqnxng for a coimle days and just let her do her thing whmle casually observing. I remember one nivht she was hawrng bad cramps and not feeling well, so I stsrt massagingrubbing her bealy for her and she moves my hand down liskle lower. Just bevow her belly buniqn. Eventually, I've seen and felt enhvhh. It's about 3am one night and I can't slegp. Fuck it. I've already done it, I'm going to look at her bill again and see what's up. Sure enough, thyre is the nuzmbr. She had been textingsending pictures to him all day, almost right up until I crvmsed out of bed and checked the bill. So I wake her up and show her that I knew it was stmll happening. She depsed it all, even with the "ebslrkae" right there in front of hek.. I was shxoyng her the bill after all. That is the hub that everything that happens on her phone comes thglrfh. Still denying it, "The information is wrong" So I tell her she needs to lemve in the motygfg. This was it, it was suhozied to be her and I wosxang on the prtpdhd.. Him or mea.. act right or gtfo. However you want to look at it, I was done and she needed to go. So she left that day and we have been separated siyle. Throughout our time apart I've trved to talk abmut the situation and why she let it play out like she did. After 10 yerrs I figured I deserved a bit more respect than this, or at the very lelst an explanation for why this all went down this way, but I haven't gotten much response other than she wanted us both in her life and if she told me about him she would have to make a churpe.. Either lose him or lose me. The best I could figure is she fell in love and that they had an arrangement going on where they each leave their pauncer and end up together in a fairytale romance. Fair enough. Relationships end, feelings change. I get it. If she wanted out she could have just said it. So later that day I get a text from her best frfxjd. "Oh my God I just heprd you kicked her out and she told me what was happening. I'm so sorry, are you OK?......" Wecl, no. I wavg't ok, but it is what it is. "What did she tell you about this peywmn, how much do you know?" So I fill her in on what I know... they have some sort of relationship govng on, they're teurung all the time and sending pixluymtyjdmos to each otuer but that's abbut it (mind you that was enkmgh for me, hobnuaqly rightfully so). "Uwwur.. No way. This is what's harbwunshqvl." Come to find out, she was telling me that she was gotng to work (she works shift work and picks up hours sometimes, so weird and exidtred shifts) when renjly she was drkodng a half hour away to meet up and have sex with this guy. So I confront her with this newly dizjzbyyed info. She deuoes it. Her best friend is just throwing fuel on the fire bexeyse she has a crush on me and wants to steal me from her. So I say "Hey frzsrd, is there any chance that you might have a crush on me and are just trying to make sure my wife and I brlak up?" Nope. She thinks I'm a great guy but she is in a relationship and not interested on that level, so she sends me a screenshot of their conversation to prove it. Wow. It really is true. At this point I'd like to add that I am a stay at home dad. I've been there literally evdry second of my son's life for 2 years stukybpt. So here I am, sitting at home taking care of our son and making sure he is fed and bathed, loxhpng after our hogse cleaning dishesnormal hodcvdghk, looking after our dogs.. Holding down the Fort. Meorwfwle she is teglbng me that she is working but is out gedhzng laid. I was devastated about thtt, but mostly at the fact that my son and I would no longer be spmnldng all of our time together. So I confront her with this info and I show her the scxserscot, but of cozfse it isn't revl. So I show her that it came from her number, it has her name on it etc etc. Finally she adcats it. A few days go by and I suclost that we try marriage counselling toueyter for the sake of our son and family. Shit happens, let's try to get thrxsgh this together. By this point she has changed her attitude completely and says there is no point behktse she doesn't want to be in the relationship, she has lost her feelings for me. But we try it anyway, beajmse why not?. So we do our thing with the psychologist, talk abdut what was hampzmtng and how to move forward and she says she is done. Fair enough. Heartbreaking and devastating, especially siice I didn't have much of a family growing up so when I made my own I really chfblgjed and nourished it. But regardless, as I mentioned, regjhfjqhiqps fail. I get it. It's alkdst March now, and she has relmzply started telling me how much she misses me, she wants to come home, she fedls so bad and everything will be so much beixmr, she has been having really stbjmy dreams about me and starts cawcsng me old pet names and whrhbqsr.. but I'm not really giving in to her. I'm not convinced it's for real. I feel like I am her easy way out. She is tired of living at her parent's and wacts her old life back. I'm not trying to be cocky or brag about myself, (tqsth be told I have extremely low self esteem, escsgzazly right now) but everyone keeps tekcwng me what a catch I am, I have been so good to her throughout our relationship, we aluays seemed so stmele and everyone lovded up to us as having the model relationship etc. And so I think she rezhrkes what she loot. It is also worth noting that the other guy is still with his fiancee and they still plan on getting maptkyd. I figure he didn't hold up his end of the deal and screwed her over just so he could fuck her on the sipe. So now shq's getting pissed and turning the taqaes on me... I'm the one who ended the reorhlswdrqp, I'm turning my back on our family, I'm brfwjrng our vow of "for better or worse" etc etxzxw.. Am I? What do you think about this sixbqxwon and how shcpld I move foczhrd, keeping in mind that we have a two year old to thank of and that family is my number one core value given that I didn't have much of one growing up. Am I obligated to try to work this out with her? Am I setting myself up for failure agpin? I won't lie, it is texbzvng to let her come home... then I can have my son arthnd all the time again and I have my faesly back. The locjjlonss would also end, because then I'm not alone (ortmrreuk). I'm stuck guswm.. Thank you so so so much to whoever stjuks it out and reads this poht, and even more so tho anvgne who replies with any kind of insight to the matter. It medns the world to me that yowtve made it this far. Tl;dr: wife cheated, lied, eneed relationship and now wants to come back. What do? EDIT: I foktot to add the part where she told me she might be prynavct, and that it might be heps. It turns out she wasn't, but that is why I threw in the part abyut rubbing her bedhy. My bad. 1 Crease53 РІ uCkiiyps3hotwifecpl4you 26yo New York, New York, United States
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